I finally feel free enough to write in this again. 

I haven’t written in here since October of last year. I have had things on my mind – but to keep things safe and running smoothly, I stayed out of here. 

I sat down last night and wrote an incredibly emotional post on Facebook. Strange place to pen something emotional, right? However – it’s incredibly filtered. I saved a copy of it to my computer, for my memoirs. Not entirely sure what I am going to do with it. Contrary to popular belief – it isn’t filled with sarcasm or inappropriate language. Just a release if you will. I tell you – it helped.

Not writing the above to sound dramatic. 

I spent the majority of yesterday plugged into headphones with music blasting. I just needed the release. That and it helped me come up with an idea for my next tattoo. Something small ,but with one hell of a meaning. I just need to find someone I can trust with it.

Oh – slight vent. I wish Apple would have a Apple Store in Victoria.. Not make us Islanders go over to the Mainland to get shit fixed. I have been in Victoria for 10 years and they have NEVER brought one here. Apple retailers sure, but not an actual store. 

Ah well. Slight First World Problem issue. Am I right? Or I should just switch to an Android to have less problems? Nah. Looks like a trip to the mainland is in my immediate future. So be it. I have to have a working phone, and with this one having all of the issues that it’s having. Thanks but no thanks. 

I truly wish I was still in LA. Reasons.

To be fair though – I had very inappropriate footwear for all of the walking I did in LA. I struggle with daily Chronic Pain as it is. To the point I ended up down sick for a couple of weeks, and have been slowly coming back to working out. I was in so much full body pain while I was in LA, it was unreal. I did have pain medication with me, but it didn’t touch the pain. Both of my feet were torn apart with fairly large blisters. I truly do think I have plantar Fascilitis. Good luck getting it formally diagnosed but .. it is what it is. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t out of breath. It was my back, legs, shoulders and feet which were in so much effin’ pain. I haven’t been in THAT much pain in a good long time. I know it had to do with the footwear I had. I bought running shoes when I was in LA, but it didn’t help. 

That and the place I ended up staying in. I thought it would be closer to everything and holy fuck was I wrong. So fighting pain, costs and such – I loved the trip and I want to go back like yesterday. Before the next trip though I am buying proper footwear. Holy hell. The concert I went to – I was in such incredible pain. It was very hard for me to be there. I downed two very large drinks of alcohol in hoping it would dull the pain (if even for a bit) and nope, it didn’t help. I enjoyed the concert and bawled my eyes out when Darren sang “To The Moon and Back” .. I did. I truly enjoyed the concert. He does a absolutely fantastic job live. Bucket list achievement! I just wish I wasn’t in so much effin’ pain. But it was worth it. Every single second.

I met Darren again through a Meet and Greet. Of course I have a severe case of verbal diarrea. I do. Each time I am around celebs, I just fart out my mouth. I did say hi, and ask him how he was. He said he liked my shirt (yay!) ..and I re-showed him the tattoo. XD .. It was short, and we have a picture from that day. I did thank him again.. He’s still a sweetheart. Even though I froze and you know, I was me. 

I was the same weight I was the last time. I also did the same stupid effin’ thing the last time (wearing inappropriate footwear.) Ya’ll think I would listen to my body. Nope. 

I did get some fab cemetery walks in though. 

The costs I looked into before I left. I checked the LYFT app and estimated trips. The next time I go – I am going to the place I usually stay in. This one was too far away from what I usually do when I am in LA.

I managed to have a couple of meals at The Hard Rock Cafe. I lived off of Wahlburgers and water. It was a blast though! I also met a friend I have known for years online, but wasn’t able to meet until the night of the concert. That was SO much fun! 🙂 Pain be damned! 

I brought my camera with me, and took a ton of pictures. Felt odd having a actual camera in hand, and not my phone. I used my phone sure, but damn. I have almost always had a camera in my hand, for as long as I could remember. Then of course all of us switched to phones, and we used our phones. I started enjoying photography again, and decided to have a camera. 

I can’t wait to see where my feet and the camera take me. I finally sat on my arse and taught myself a few tiny things about the settings of the camera. I’m still learning and it will take time. That and I bought a tripod. Gotta teach myself how to use the silly thing. I took it with me to Disneyland, and the bag checker said he thought it was a bomb. Haha!

Coming home though was a right royal pain in the ass. 3 flights – one after the other. I went through Edmonton and Calgary within what, a hour? Two hours? XD

The morning after I came home – I woke up to the sound of birds in our backyard. I thought to myself “You know, I love LA like it’s going out of style. But there is no place like home. ” Especially hearing those little birds. I mean we are incredibly lucky to live here. The island is a beautiful place. 

I saw a tweet last night, that I am kicking myself that I didn’t share. Since Elon took over Twitter, tweets seem to disappear when you’re reading them. It was about how “This person thinks that people arrive on Earth – just to observe. They don’t take in many social situations, because when they do they end up learning life lessons. They end up keeping away from people, and just living life through those lessons.” Yesterday it just made so much sense. Those who know, know?

I could be misquoting it, but it just fit. I was like SHIT I should save this. Then the damn page refreshed on me, and it disappeared. C’est la vie.

I am so very glad that this year is nothing like last year. Nothing was nothing short of being fucking horrible. I am glad that all of us weathered the storm. I am glad about many things from those struggles. I also see people becoming closer – and understanding others more. It’s not my place to go into details. I am however grateful again that all of us made it through. I think that last year was a learning experience for all of us. It felt like the universe was pushing us as a unit, to see how much we could handle. Well universe, y’all dragged us a bit but all of us made it. What do they say – whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?  Yeah, that.

It also taught me that I need to slow down. To listen more and speak less. If that makes sense? I hope so. I need to go shower and hit the hay here.

It also reminded me of how incredibly strong all of us are. (Us meaning those who are close to us.)

Oh my gosh.. “Feels Like It’s Over” just. Watch it. It’s one hell of an emotional video by Darren Hayes. Video and song, pardon me. I can feel the emotion in this video. I really need to sit down and give Homosexual a good hard, long listen. Perhaps when I go to get my phone looked at?

My youngest daughter asked me a question today. I won’t go into specifics. It blew my mind that she asked this question, to be honest. I like to be upfront with my kids. I also keep a LOT from them as – there are pieces of my life that they don’t need to know. That they don’t need to worry about. I answer things like what she asked today, with bits and pieces.  I am open as much as I will allow myself to be. That and she’s only almost 17 years old. She doesn’t need to know everything. Let her continue to be a kid, and me continue to struggle being an adult – hahah!~

Yes, I can be inappropriate at times. Ask anyone I know. I just – some pieces of my life the kids don’t need to know. 

Random .. I was chatting with someone in the place I stayed in LA. NOT all of my life of course.. because in all honesty – if I told a total stranger what has happened in my life? They’d run for the fucking hills. Everyone carries pain. Everyone carries trauma. It’s unfair to put that onto another person. She actually told me to write my story. That someone would buy it from Hollywood, and make it into a series. Hahaha .. I mean in all honesty – Hollywood is so sleazy I bet that they would! I mean could you imagine? I don’t even know what rating would be? With everything which has happened. Ehh, I don’t know. 

To make a side note to that.. Considering I keep hearing about how my life is SO much of a different variant than it actually is..perhaps writing about it would set things straight? Ah, nah NO. I’m not into defending rumors. If people want to do that nonsense, they can do it on their own time. (poking fun at this piece, because it still happens to this day. I feel sometimes like I am living a Hollywood life, because of how it reads like a novella at times. Like fiction at it’s finest!) I’d rather just do what I do .. Play what I play. Listen to what I listen to – and jet through. 

Seeing as Darryn will be 21 this year. I want to help her get a passport and take her to Seattle sometime. Take her to the Hard Rock and both her and I have a drink. I mean why not? Neither one of us are big drinkers, but it would be nice to take time away for a change. Then when Kailani is old enough to get her own passport, do the same thing.  Or take both of them to LA sometime. Show them what I enjoy out there. We shall see. It would be nice to do so 🙂

Okay I seriously need to move my arse.  Thankfully writing again. 








I’m that boring.

I noticed that I haven’t written in this blog in.. a moment. A minute? Yeah – that’s it.

I am not in the mindset to go to sleep – well not as of yet. Figured I would sit here and dump a few loads off of my mind.  Why not?

Today was my first day of staycation. (I was originally to be in another place at this time. BUT it’s okay. It’s perfectly okay. I have shit to do around here anyway, so why not get that done? Take a few days for myself. Well, I hope to.)

Sitting here listening to Darren Hayes Spin album. This was released in 2002 – The same album which kept me sane during my pregnancy with Darryn. Now it’s immensely scratched (no thanks to her, ha!) and autographed by Darren himself. I plan on getting it framed eventually. Eh – if I can find someone I trust to frame it. Decisions, decisions. Someday. I have the album on my phone – so for now it’s carefully stored away.

Today it has been raining and chilly. Which is actually rather nice. I have been enjoying the sound of the rain.. Just comforting. I’m also back to enjoying incredibly hot showers. Missed those during the summer months. I mean – who legit takes long hot showers in the summertime? 😛

I fucked up my right hand a few days ago. Was doing some floor work during my workout.. and kind of forgot the floor was sweaty. Went to lift myself back up, slipped and accidentally smashed my hand into my desk. I hardly bruise. I really don’t. The hand was sore as hell (still is) and was red. The bruise itself is just coming up now. So incredibly weird – but it’s me. I’m weird, what can I say? It’s like a blue/green-ish bruise now? Still kind of hurts but if I avoid touching it, it’s okay. LOL It’s just me who does silly shit like this, I swear.

I still workout every single day.  I mean that when I say it – every single day. I have been pushing myself by doing more reps and taking longer workout times. One step at a time though. I do want to be in better shape, but not rushing it. What do they say? The longer it takes for the weight to come off? Or something along those lines. I don’t recall . .ha! But I am working on it. I do have to work around my shoulders and back but – I do what I can.

I have been enjoying “Homosexual” by Darren Hayes. I think I have listened to it .. oh hell – several times.  Not surprising really. I love the album. I appreciate the album. Been trying to convince my Darryn to listen to the album haa. She might. I don’t force the issue, even though she’s named after Darren. She knows I love the music, it’s her choice if she wants to listen. I do think she should really do a deep dive on Poison Blood though. Just my thought of course.

Really wanting to get inked again and soon. The last time was what, 2 years ago? It will wait though – I have other plans at the moment. 

My son wanted me to go up to Kamloops to visit this week. Yeah – and it’s snowing up there. Kind of glad I can’t go. I really can’t be stuck up there at the moment. Not with – life? Responsibilities..  Gotta do the single parent thing. Ya know? Life.  

Oh with it being October – been hard on the horror movies this month. Last weekend it was all about the Nightmare series. Tried watching 13 ghosts, but the damn stream kept fucking up. This weekend will most likely be either the Final Destination series, and Scream. I haven’t watched the Scream movies in ages, so why not. Or re-watch True Blood.  Just in the mood for horror and hell – its fairly close to Halloween.

I’ve also found if I toss on an action movie during a workout – that I get serious energy. Fuck using those energy drinks, or caps. Just toss on Nicolas Cage kicking the shit out of animatronics? I’m good. It’s fucking loads of fun, lemme tell you.  Or Bad Boys – any of the Bad Boys movies. I tell ya – it just gets the blood flowing XD

I have been finding that if I want to keep up with vitamins? I have to order from Amazon. The stock locally is real shit. I know it’s due to the pandemic and such. But hell whatever.  As long as I can keep finding them online. The only sucker punch about Amazon? You find a vitamin that you know works.. and them BOOm – fuckers yack up the price. Its so annoying! But with our economy being harsh shit right now, it doesn’t surprise me. Our dollar is crud right now as well.

I was in a LifeLabs today (had to do some routine bloodwork.. thankfully, no biggie!) and oh my lord. How many people were complaining? LOADS. For no reason, except for their own. It’s so weird. I sit down and people think it’s okay to chitchat with me, and complain. All I keep thinking is “Do y’all know how hard they work?” .. That, and I have been trying to get this bloodwork done for 2 effin’ years now. I should be the one complaining, but I’m not. Thankfully I got in and out, and away.

I’ve also noticed a ton of anger on Twitter as of late. What do people call Twitter? The toilet of the internet? It’s true. Like if people aren’t picking fights with one another.. there’s whining about something or other. Normally now if I see the angst on Twitter – I log the eff out. Go to WoW or some other application. It’s just – it gets really draining after awhile. I mean I have enough offline to worry about.. Seeing people complain SO MUCH online.. It just gets to ya.

I was able to replace a picture I lost many years ago. It was amazing, lemme tell you. 

As I sit here listening to “Casey” by Darren Hayes.. trying to piece together other things that I’d like to talk about in here. Many things I just don’t discuss online. I wish someone would make a meme which says “Homey don’t play dat” . You know? Homey the clown from In Living Color. Man, did I ever love that show back in the day.

Oh I know. Prices going up – yet sizes going down. Example – a can of Chef Boyardee. They used to fill those fuckers to the brim. Nowadays? Prices go up, the cans are less full. Same with cat food. Like ours love Purina. I’ve noticed as of late the cans aren’t as filled as they used to be. Yet – again, prices go up. It’s cruel.

I am fairly certain I know why I was given broad shoulders. I carry so much. It explains (in a spiritual sense) why they hurt as much as they do daily.  

Gotta get my cemetery walkin’ shoes in order. Maybe a trip down to Ross Bay in the coming weeks. Fall or not, perfect time to go down there. Burn off the negative energy. Besides, you’re safe in a cemetery. Am I right? XD Gotta get my cemetery walkin’ groove back. Been so busy with life, that I haven’t been able to get down there and do it.

Being on staycation is weird, yo. Like – it’s like what to do what to do. Going to take some time for myself. Some gaming of course. Um – other things I need to deal with. But gaming first because – I require some serious downtime.  With working out placed in the mix and avoiding social media.

To be honest, I have really been not posting on social media. IG – sure. I post my workout updates. That and who doesn’t love a cat video. I mainly use FB to video chat with my daughter. She chats with her cat through video. Benn actually does look at the camera. It’s super cute.  Last night Benn kept sticking her butt in the camera. She’s like “See kitty, see butt!” … haha! 

Damn. Been plugging around on this since what – 9ish. It’s almost 1 in the morning. I mean no biggie to me, as I have nothing to do tomorrow.  I’m making it a point to NOT do anything tomorrow. I ran several errands today er wait yesterday now haha.. and made a promise to myself to take today as a down day. 

Okies – checking on the furrballs, then heading to bed. I have more to say but .. nah, heading to bed.