I finally feel free enough to write in this again. 

I haven’t written in here since October of last year. I have had things on my mind – but to keep things safe and running smoothly, I stayed out of here. 

I sat down last night and wrote an incredibly emotional post on Facebook. Strange place to pen something emotional, right? However – it’s incredibly filtered. I saved a copy of it to my computer, for my memoirs. Not entirely sure what I am going to do with it. Contrary to popular belief – it isn’t filled with sarcasm or inappropriate language. Just a release if you will. I tell you – it helped.

Not writing the above to sound dramatic. 

I spent the majority of yesterday plugged into headphones with music blasting. I just needed the release. That and it helped me come up with an idea for my next tattoo. Something small ,but with one hell of a meaning. I just need to find someone I can trust with it.

Oh – slight vent. I wish Apple would have a Apple Store in Victoria.. Not make us Islanders go over to the Mainland to get shit fixed. I have been in Victoria for 10 years and they have NEVER brought one here. Apple retailers sure, but not an actual store. 

Ah well. Slight First World Problem issue. Am I right? Or I should just switch to an Android to have less problems? Nah. Looks like a trip to the mainland is in my immediate future. So be it. I have to have a working phone, and with this one having all of the issues that it’s having. Thanks but no thanks. 

I truly wish I was still in LA. Reasons.

To be fair though – I had very inappropriate footwear for all of the walking I did in LA. I struggle with daily Chronic Pain as it is. To the point I ended up down sick for a couple of weeks, and have been slowly coming back to working out. I was in so much full body pain while I was in LA, it was unreal. I did have pain medication with me, but it didn’t touch the pain. Both of my feet were torn apart with fairly large blisters. I truly do think I have plantar Fascilitis. Good luck getting it formally diagnosed but .. it is what it is. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t out of breath. It was my back, legs, shoulders and feet which were in so much effin’ pain. I haven’t been in THAT much pain in a good long time. I know it had to do with the footwear I had. I bought running shoes when I was in LA, but it didn’t help. 

That and the place I ended up staying in. I thought it would be closer to everything and holy fuck was I wrong. So fighting pain, costs and such – I loved the trip and I want to go back like yesterday. Before the next trip though I am buying proper footwear. Holy hell. The concert I went to – I was in such incredible pain. It was very hard for me to be there. I downed two very large drinks of alcohol in hoping it would dull the pain (if even for a bit) and nope, it didn’t help. I enjoyed the concert and bawled my eyes out when Darren sang “To The Moon and Back” .. I did. I truly enjoyed the concert. He does a absolutely fantastic job live. Bucket list achievement! I just wish I wasn’t in so much effin’ pain. But it was worth it. Every single second.

I met Darren again through a Meet and Greet. Of course I have a severe case of verbal diarrea. I do. Each time I am around celebs, I just fart out my mouth. I did say hi, and ask him how he was. He said he liked my shirt (yay!) ..and I re-showed him the tattoo. XD .. It was short, and we have a picture from that day. I did thank him again.. He’s still a sweetheart. Even though I froze and you know, I was me. 

I was the same weight I was the last time. I also did the same stupid effin’ thing the last time (wearing inappropriate footwear.) Ya’ll think I would listen to my body. Nope. 

I did get some fab cemetery walks in though. 

The costs I looked into before I left. I checked the LYFT app and estimated trips. The next time I go – I am going to the place I usually stay in. This one was too far away from what I usually do when I am in LA.

I managed to have a couple of meals at The Hard Rock Cafe. I lived off of Wahlburgers and water. It was a blast though! I also met a friend I have known for years online, but wasn’t able to meet until the night of the concert. That was SO much fun! 🙂 Pain be damned! 

I brought my camera with me, and took a ton of pictures. Felt odd having a actual camera in hand, and not my phone. I used my phone sure, but damn. I have almost always had a camera in my hand, for as long as I could remember. Then of course all of us switched to phones, and we used our phones. I started enjoying photography again, and decided to have a camera. 

I can’t wait to see where my feet and the camera take me. I finally sat on my arse and taught myself a few tiny things about the settings of the camera. I’m still learning and it will take time. That and I bought a tripod. Gotta teach myself how to use the silly thing. I took it with me to Disneyland, and the bag checker said he thought it was a bomb. Haha!

Coming home though was a right royal pain in the ass. 3 flights – one after the other. I went through Edmonton and Calgary within what, a hour? Two hours? XD

The morning after I came home – I woke up to the sound of birds in our backyard. I thought to myself “You know, I love LA like it’s going out of style. But there is no place like home. ” Especially hearing those little birds. I mean we are incredibly lucky to live here. The island is a beautiful place. 

I saw a tweet last night, that I am kicking myself that I didn’t share. Since Elon took over Twitter, tweets seem to disappear when you’re reading them. It was about how “This person thinks that people arrive on Earth – just to observe. They don’t take in many social situations, because when they do they end up learning life lessons. They end up keeping away from people, and just living life through those lessons.” Yesterday it just made so much sense. Those who know, know?

I could be misquoting it, but it just fit. I was like SHIT I should save this. Then the damn page refreshed on me, and it disappeared. C’est la vie.

I am so very glad that this year is nothing like last year. Nothing was nothing short of being fucking horrible. I am glad that all of us weathered the storm. I am glad about many things from those struggles. I also see people becoming closer – and understanding others more. It’s not my place to go into details. I am however grateful again that all of us made it through. I think that last year was a learning experience for all of us. It felt like the universe was pushing us as a unit, to see how much we could handle. Well universe, y’all dragged us a bit but all of us made it. What do they say – whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?  Yeah, that.

It also taught me that I need to slow down. To listen more and speak less. If that makes sense? I hope so. I need to go shower and hit the hay here.

It also reminded me of how incredibly strong all of us are. (Us meaning those who are close to us.)

Oh my gosh.. “Feels Like It’s Over” just. Watch it. It’s one hell of an emotional video by Darren Hayes. Video and song, pardon me. I can feel the emotion in this video. I really need to sit down and give Homosexual a good hard, long listen. Perhaps when I go to get my phone looked at?

My youngest daughter asked me a question today. I won’t go into specifics. It blew my mind that she asked this question, to be honest. I like to be upfront with my kids. I also keep a LOT from them as – there are pieces of my life that they don’t need to know. That they don’t need to worry about. I answer things like what she asked today, with bits and pieces.  I am open as much as I will allow myself to be. That and she’s only almost 17 years old. She doesn’t need to know everything. Let her continue to be a kid, and me continue to struggle being an adult – hahah!~

Yes, I can be inappropriate at times. Ask anyone I know. I just – some pieces of my life the kids don’t need to know. 

Random .. I was chatting with someone in the place I stayed in LA. NOT all of my life of course.. because in all honesty – if I told a total stranger what has happened in my life? They’d run for the fucking hills. Everyone carries pain. Everyone carries trauma. It’s unfair to put that onto another person. She actually told me to write my story. That someone would buy it from Hollywood, and make it into a series. Hahaha .. I mean in all honesty – Hollywood is so sleazy I bet that they would! I mean could you imagine? I don’t even know what rating would be? With everything which has happened. Ehh, I don’t know. 

To make a side note to that.. Considering I keep hearing about how my life is SO much of a different variant than it actually is..perhaps writing about it would set things straight? Ah, nah NO. I’m not into defending rumors. If people want to do that nonsense, they can do it on their own time. (poking fun at this piece, because it still happens to this day. I feel sometimes like I am living a Hollywood life, because of how it reads like a novella at times. Like fiction at it’s finest!) I’d rather just do what I do .. Play what I play. Listen to what I listen to – and jet through. 

Seeing as Darryn will be 21 this year. I want to help her get a passport and take her to Seattle sometime. Take her to the Hard Rock and both her and I have a drink. I mean why not? Neither one of us are big drinkers, but it would be nice to take time away for a change. Then when Kailani is old enough to get her own passport, do the same thing.  Or take both of them to LA sometime. Show them what I enjoy out there. We shall see. It would be nice to do so 🙂

Okay I seriously need to move my arse.  Thankfully writing again. 








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