Yeah.

Just needing to type out a random entry. Things to get out of my head .. 

I think I am just over-cooked from this heat. I know it’s not as hot as it was in Kamloops (when we lived there..) .. BUT – I don’t do well with muggy heat. I know why .. ha! Seriously, I can walk all around Los Angeles in temps hotter than this and have no issue. Here? Forget it. It just makes you sticky and blah. It’s weird, I know. Either over-cooked from the heat, or burnt out. Or a bit of both. Burnt-out, ha!

I think I have mentioned that before. Oh well c’est la vie. I do miss walking around LA. Hope that time will happen again soon. Would be nice to get a break away from here.  I know I talk about LA off and on (perhaps a little too much?) but it’s a place I enjoy. I hope to travel other places someday. I mean I will be honest, if I didn’t have kids.. I wouldn’t have a fixed address. I had planned as a kid to roam around and enjoy life. So even if it’s just to a place here, a place there (as hello, I have responsibilities? lol) I hope to do so. I have a bucket list.. I mean, who doesn’t?

Sitting here listening to music. Need to burn off some negativity. I will also repeat myself on this. I will never -ever- understand humans.  Hell there are pieces of myself that I will never understand. It is what it is, I suppose. I will never understand the human race. Not in a million years.

I’m just .. really still teetering over the idea of buying a punching bag. I would need to be light with it of course. BUT – looking into something aside from video games, to burn off every day stressers.  Or maybe a stress ball. Well – eh maybe. Like stuff it in the kids’ old bedroom. I don’t know, we shall see. 

Right now it’s in between playing video games (which were had this weekend…) or taking off to a cemetery. Which I am thinking of doing this coming weekend if the weather fairs.  Says it should be nice – so if predicted properly .. 

There’s nothing more satisfying than blasting Princess Goes to the Butterfly Museum – while walking around a cemetery.  Well in my humble opinion. It just FITS. Or rather it does for me.  The album just fits perfectly when walking around a cemetery.  If you haven’t given their album a listen – DO EEEEET!

Really hoping to get a Bryan Adams concert ticket for myself, for my birthday.  We shall see. I haven’t seen him in concert in ages. Hell why not. Just need to somehow work it into the budget. I mean the last time I saw him in concert was when we lived in Kamloops. I will go protected. I did when I went to see NKOTB in Seattle.  I might be able to pull it off. I hope so.  

One of the kids took a screen capture of pictures I had on my iCloud. What I feel like saying is “If y’all don’t like it, GET YOUR OWN ACCOUNT!” .. Like, for realz. 😛 I mean I don’t save anything inappropriate. Teenagers, gotta love them! 

I’ve said it before and I will always say it again. Being a single parent has been the HARDEST job I have ever had. (Hell, I should get that tattooed.) I’ve been one for what.. Almost 15 years now? It’s also the job that you’re the most judged, most put under a microscope, made to feel inadequate .. and second-guessed. I wish I was kidding. Or was it just me? 😛 

I will say this .. Kind of been giving my eyes some major exercise (as in, from all of the eye rolling.) I really need to write a memoir. I mean hell, the amount of gaslighting.. The attempts to re-write past history. I mean you do you boo.  If that’s what helps you sleep at night, whatevs.  😛

I have no want/need to continue to repeat myself. Or to dive into past -stuff- .I have moved on from the past. I wish that others would do the same.  I’ve worked far too long and too hard on myself – to dive into old nonsense. If you’re stuck in that holding pattern, I feel sorry for you. I do. There’s many things to help in life, to move on from the past. I suggest reaching out to those agencies. Or hell, have someone close to you give you a hug? Me, well I’ve moved on.  But thanks for the attempt of opening old wounds. Nope, not this time. Sending love and light to anyone who’s struggling emotionally at present. This too hopefully shall pass for you.

Ohh I hope Darren Hayes tours the US.. possibly next year? I mean if he tours LA or San Diego or hell, Seattle? I would go. That I will not miss. I already missed Savage Garden when they played the PNE years ago. I would not miss this. Nope.  It’s another I have on my bucket list – so why not? I hope so. I keep crossing my fingers and toes. XD

I came across these things called “Tiles” .. for picture hanging? At first I thought it was a good idea… But the price alone turned me off. No thanks – I can print out pictures – buy some cheap frames.. and put my pictures up that way. I have a shit ton to print out .. That will happen in time. That and I heard about it yanking paint and plaster off of walls. No thanks. My house already has it’s issues. I don’t need to make things worse, thanks.

Darren Hayes “Poison Blood” video just came up on my playlist. Love this song. It fits. If you haven’t listened to the song, or watched the video – I highly recommend doing both. I wish this song existed when I was a teenager. I had “Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum to comfort me when I ran away (2x as a teen) .. Once when I was four, but I had no music with me ..

The ironic thing? I live in the city I ran away to.. ha! I should totally go into that Dairy Queen one of these days. 

I really need new ink. No – I know I don’t “need” it. But I want it, and I “feel” like I need it. I also want to go to LA and see BA. Decisions, decisions.  I also have to get our four legged family members into the vet soon.  That kind of vetos everything else at the moment. Both are seriously overdue for checkups. It’s just things keep coming up!  

The ear infection has slowly healed .. it’s still there. I know it’s still there. I also tweaked my lower back so yeah. That was NOT fun. I remember someone mentioning a tennis ball at one point? So I put my fist under my back last night.. and I guess I dozed off. It helped! Now I need to find a darn tennis ball. Holy heck, I don’t know how I did it but MAN did that hurt. That and the left shoulder is still being silly. But to be honest, it’s expected.  I just try to work around it. I hope this week doesn’t have any surprises .. Kind of over it.

I see people posting on Facebook about their ailments. Their aches and pains. Or complaining about XYZ. I mean to be honest, I used to? Now meh. I have my blog, I can write about it in here.

Also.. to add to this. What the fuck is going on as of late. So much anger on social media. Like I will crack open Twitter, and I see someone bitching about something. Or if I go on Facebook? Instantly I see anger. Hell, the first time in weeks I had signed in? I had a pile of messages of nothing but anger. Like if I wanted to be consistently surrounded by angry people? I’d call my mother. (no, I am not kidding..) I just.. Like is mercury in retrograde? People burning off anger online? I get being angry, but perhaps take a deep breath? 

Speaking of..

Before I go to bed each night. I lay completely still . Listen to the quiet for a couple of moments. Take two very deep breaths.. then chill. I find it helps ESPECIALLY after a long day.

I still want to incense the house. Get some of those mirrors for the windows. It might help air out the house. I think it’s needed – given .. well, no I won’t go into it. I think it’s overdue.  I don’t know if K will let me incense her room.. or if A will. BUT I will do my room and D’s old bedroom. 

One of my sons said I should start dating again. Yeah – no. When would I have time? That and how would you meet anyone in this day and age? Also – SO MANY SCAMMERS hang around those dating sites.. like POF, Match.com and others.  Ehh. I mean if it happens, it happens. Nowadays it’s much harder. I laughed when this was said and said “Thanks, but no thanks..” I need to make sure everything is in tip-top shape before I ever think to bring someone new in. That, and K is still young. Maybe when she’s out of the house I can think to do so? Or not? I mean to be honest when she sails out the door, I plan on taking a vacation.  Just time and space away. Well plan, who knows what the future will hold. But yeah – .. I don’t understand what the big deal is? I mean it’s been almost 15 years.. I just think people should stop asking me. No joke – I hear this from my son, or my grandmother. “When are you going to find someone” (who said I was looking, I am not!) .. “When are you going to settle down” .. Haven’t I settled down? I am raising children? I mean, I don’t know how much more settled you want me to be? 😛 .. I like my independence. I don’t know what it’s like TO date anymore, to be honest. I really don’t. This sounds silly, I know. But this gets brought up SO often. It’s like I feel like being a dick, and saying “mind your business!”:.. But I can’t do it. Maybe someday – but not today. 

I mean let’s face facts here. I have been raising children for the majority of my life. I will have a Empty Nest sooner than most people I know. To be honest, I won’t know what the fuck to do with myself. BUT I have a plan. Which I will keep to myself because.. some things are meant to remain private. I have several things in motion that I plan to keep to myself. 

Speaking of random – I could really use a hug .. and not from one of my kids. Seriously. BUT ALF will need to do. 

Shite, just realized the time. I need to go to bed. Responsibilities, you know 😛

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.