Yeah.

Been kind of avoiding Facebook as of late. I mean I have posted here and there. Well c’mon, the new Chucky TV Series is coming. The latest run of Dexter is coming. Of course I am excited for both – so why not post about them? Isn’t that what “social media” is about? Just checking.

I’ve had people drop me on FB, and y’know – I am completely okay with that. Honestly if my grandmother wasn’t on FB, I would delete it and walk away all together. All which seems cropping up on FB as of late – are memories which are re-hashing old emotional garbage. I have friends on there I have known for a long LONG time. But – honestly. Lately it seems like someone is always almost wanting to fight or bring up old shit. I understand I made choices years back. Things I cannot change. People make mistakes. People LIVE (hopefully) through them and move on. Some don’t, and that’s okay. I cannot take back things I have done. I have accepted I won’t receive apologies for things which have happened and I AM OK with that. What I am not okay with is having to re-hash and relive them. Like take that and shove it back. 

Like an example – I posted three pictures from a visit with my brother. Of course shit flies. I can’t post pictures without someone getting angry, poking an argument – or making it about them.

Look up “About you” by Mike Shinoda. The song fits to a T. 

So I’ll take the pictures down. After wanting to you know, share happy pictures. I just – I really don’t have the time/space/patience for bullshit anymore. I mean we’re not in high school anymore. I am an adult. I think some people have completely forgot about that. I think I have said this before, but it’s truth. Our truth.. If y’all don’t like it – jokes on you 😛

That and .. I keep hearing the horrible rumors about me. Like – the fuck? So people will respect some but always come for me with nonsense? I won’t go into it. I find it incredible that grown adults find pleasure in trying to knock others.  I won’t name the rumor or name names. As then I would be feeding into the same nonsense I am trying to steeer away from. 

I don’t talk about past history. I just don’t do it. I don’t bring up things I have been witness to. Hell I came across some horrible conversations from several years ago. Do you see me re-hashing and re-posting? (To be frank, I didn’t post any of them to begin with.). Absolutely not. I have a bit more maturity and respect for myself and for others. I’d rather just walk away completely, instead of re-hashing old shit.

I have promised myself especially now – during the pandemic. .. That I will work on myself inside and out. What I mean by that as in mind, body and soul. Well – honestly i don’t know much about soul – except trying not to harm myself. 

When old nonsense tries to rear its ugly head – I walk away. I mean to be honest, the question comes out of “why is this happening?” and “why me” “why did this happen to us, and not to others” .. But, that’s it. I don’t discuss it. I don’t go “Oh well here’s what REALLY happened..” because I am not that person. I also have said “Well just because YOU have had that experience, doesn’t mean its the same for others!” . .. Like I shake my head .. But – I say absolutely nothing. I am used to dealing with everything on my own, so hell – why change things? Outta site, outta mind 😛

To be honest if this was 20 years ago, it might have happened. Thankfully it’s not . I just – I don’t do that nonsense anymore. It sounds hippocrytical given past history. I KNOW. If you knew how I was “raised” you’d understand past behavior. Struggling with severe depression, anxiety, neglect and abuse my entire life (and thensome!) .. and yet – I still walk away.

Sitting here listening to “On A Day Like Today” by Bryan Adams .. I used to have this on every recorded tape or disc I made. Used to drive people mental. I don’t care 😛 

I really REALLY want to travel or do something. But not going there right now. I mean I know I have said I want to. BUT – nope. Not risking it. We’re all getting our second vaccines on August 6th. But my son isn’t vaccinated (his own reasons!) and I have heard of breakthru infections. I won’t risk it. 

I booked some time off and we’ll just lounge around here. 

I work out -every- single day. I found this workout on YouTube (I was working through another one months ago, – but this one I enjoy. It’s a walking work out but it’s hella fun!) .. and I have been working on it. Either I work on the 1 hour workout per day or I do the Tabata which is 33 minutes. Mainly the one hour though. It helps to ease myself each day. Even when people are being silly.

I work out for myself. Someone said a long time ago “Work out for your own improvement. Not for anyone else. Do this because YOU want to do some change!”. You’re right, I am. 🙂 Body, mind spirit. (Although my diet is meh, still working on that. Curse ice cream, curse YOOOOOOOU!!!)

Really craving a new tattoo. But with the way things are right now, I doubt that will happen any time soon.

I have a sudden urge to watch one of my fave movies. Random Teeny Tiny vent. I wish Apple Movies had more of the old 80s movies. Like Happy Together, Gleaming The Cube etc… right now those movies are slim pickings. I understand why. Licensing – can they stream it in decent quality, etc? Mainly licensing. Especially given some of the older movies were filmed with studios which no longer exist.

Although… the urge to hike the hills of Forest Lawn is hitting me and hard. I love the satisfaction and feel of accomplishment hiking up those hills. Hopefully the next time i go back – I willl go to the spots I didn’t make last time.

It’s a large cemetery. I think the next time I go up – I’ll give myself more time. More days. XD Especially when you’re walking, using LYFT to get there at the bottom of the cemetery… It’s a 300 acre cemetery (Glendale is!) .. but it’s all a effin’ hill! Hollywood Hills is 300 as well. So according to a website (who knows at what speed this would be?) An acre can be walked in 3-4 mins .. So that would take what, 7.5 hours ish? I usually stay for about 3 hour sometimes 4. So maybe one of the days I would just walk, take my time – take a fuckton of water.. and chill. Possibly. It’s the hills which make it a longer walk. That and I always ask the LFYT drivers to drop me at the bottom of the cemetery. 😉 To make it a longer walk and give me more of a run. 

That, and I need to run to a few different cemeteries as well. But – the plans will happen when they happen 🙂

I am kind of curious on those Ancestry DNA test kits myself. When I have the cash, I am buying one just as a “let’s see”.. 

I saw a pair of fluffy as hell rainbow Ugg sandals on their site today. CUTE AS EFF. I want them SO BAD! LOL … Once I have caught up, I will… 😛 Yes, I would wear them without shame. 

Another random thought. Why do people feel the need to have a “conversation” .. when it’s only about them? I don’t get it. They half-assed ask you how you are, then go into “Well this that and the other.” Or they only contact you to ask about others. Or when they talk to you, when it’s your turn to speak it’s all one word answers. Like – for real. I sometimes feel like saying “why did you call/text” me? Or “Y’know I AM RIGHT HERE…” Or “Why don’t you ask them yourself, instead of trying to gossip about others?” .. Like, I don’t understand humans sometimes. Live your lives. If you don’t want to talk to a person, make the choice. Like – I don’t geeettt iiiiit. Humans are the weirdest people. 😛  

People wonder why I am as “into celebrities” as I am.  I won’t go into too many details, but part of  it comes from being locked with a thick metal hook, in my bedroom for years.  The people I looked up to were on the radio.  

I need a incredibly long walk. Anything over 20k steps. Yes, I have done it. Working on it. Hopefully soon!

Bed soon! 

 

 

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