Music helps.

Music really does help. Especially if you’re super busy and hardly any time to breathe.

I know, I know. That’s life – right? AmIRight? I think so.

It’s just been one of those weeks. Where you keep going because you know you have to.  Yesterday and today I received somewhat of decent information. Decent? I guess. It helped.

I was able to book my birthday and the day off. Not that it’s a huge deal, because my trip was pulled due to COVID. As long as it doesn’t rain however, I plan on scouring Victoria for their cemeteries.  Why not? Cemetery walks are a good thing to do, right?

Last year I walked -all- over Disneyland for my birthday. I wanted to do something incredibly selfish for myself. I mean my 40th birthday, I sat in my bedroom and bawled. I promised myself that it wouldn’t happen again. Even if this year I have to go for a long walk someplace, I will do it.

Fuckin’ COVID.

I truthfully want to be in Seattle. Or in California. NOPE, not pulling the self-pity train.

Today err rather yesterday, I heard the BC Government is going to allow non-trained people to work in CareHomes. So for those (like myself) who took out a shitload of Student Loans, feel like total shmucks. Why? Well the government has said they will give on the job training. No Experience Needed!

For reference.

So for those who took training, took a shitload of loans out – who worked their asses off. Hell who can’t even get a role in their position.. the government is giving jobs out. I know they are in need. Please don’t think I don’t get this. I understand why the government is doing this. I just think it’s shitty for those paying back for years – when others get it handed to them. Free!? 

Yesterday I was advised that any payment arrangements placed on Student Loans, are put on hold. So here I am – feeling pity for myself. Then KABOOM, the government says “K, we hear people.”

Uh… I know there is a election coming. I know we’re in the midst of a pandemic. I know of several people who are still without work. So yay government for helping. I am just not looking forward to the future. 

I mean eventually the government will need this money. So I hope those who are getting a break are taking this seriously. I know I am!

Well, aside from the silly Disney shit I have been buying. 

Then this morning hearing I can take those days off. I am kind of happy about that to be honest. I really didn’t want to be in office on my birthday.  Heh, “In Office”.

I mean, I can go buy a cake or something. Of course keep myself safe. I don’t want to be selfish and threaten the lives of my kids. No. I can deal. Maybe buy myself speakers and just blast the music wave.

Who knows.

Bryan Adams has been singing to some of his faves on his YT channel. Oh my gosh – the fact I can pull these lyrics out of my head. XD .. I can finally listen to some of his music without wanting to bawl. So that’s a good thing, Right? Right.

I have noticed this year .. that old memories have been coming to mind. Like – of course when you’re stuck in the house, and people keep bringing up old shit.. It comes to mind. I keep being reminded of what I’ve gone through in my life. I mean geez, when people bring it up – they act like my life is all over. “Oh you have kids”… Yeah, and? Just because I have kids, doesn’t mean my life is over. I have “had kids” since I was 15/16 years old. Well, okay the majority of my life. But still. Your life doesn’t end because you have children. I think the thought process of some is just downright silly. 

But y’know.. I have been judged since I could talk so hey. Fuck them if they wanna keep judging. I’ll just sit by and listen. I mean to this day TO THIS DAY… People are saying I eff’d a friend of mine for a TV. I honestly thought those spreading this rumor, had a bit more class and respect for me. I guess not eh? 

I truly do think this is why the higher power designed my body, the way it did. I mean geez, my shoulders ache on the daily…from carrying other people’s shit! 😛

I need a beach. I need a long walk. But COVID really has sparked some horrible anxiety.. Like no joke driving me bonkers. 

Really need shelves in this here place. I have far too much stuff crammed in my tiny bedroom. 😛

I know I am absolutely random. I honestly don’t care. I mean c’mon… 

Okay bedtime.,

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